Dear Whines - After much deliberation I have decided to release the speech Mr Joe Pash, our beloved Grand Poobah (husband of Eileen Dugan Pash), Host of Late Night All Talk Pash and Master of All Things, recently gave to the International Association of Business Lawyers. The speech was given after one of Joe's clients from Germany had asked him to represent their interests in the United States.
Joe had a few Vodka Gimlets prior to the speech (as there was no Jim Beam and Coke in cans available) and had been listening to the German gentlemen's (a well known German Brewer) views on the UK participation in the European union. Jim Herschlein, Bobby Coyne and I witnessed his performance.
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to address you, especially on a topic in which I have a great interest. Ah...excuse me waiter.....yes a large one....thank you. As I was saying, this subject on the UK and the sweeping reform of the European brewing industry using English as the chosen language is of great interest to me. It will finally bring the European Union into line with a language we can all understand, including those in Arkansas, Oklahoma, parts of Texas and, perhaps, Da Bronx.
I thoroughly endorse English as the standard lang......waiter....thank you...easy on the lime....keep pouring the vodka man....keep pouring...thank you, where was I? Oh yes the English language, well you know, it is a stupid language really, the spelling is unnecessarily difficult. For example, cough, plough, through and thorough. How can we expect anyone to understand it? let alone spell it or say it especially after a few Vodka Gimlets? I mean here we all are having a few Vodka Gimlets and generally having a good time and god...m it a bunch of beauracrats are setting out to f...k up everything. No Herschlein you shut the f.... up... I won't sit down I have something to say! WAITER....get ya arse over here...
I suggest we set out and do the following to keep everyone in line. From tonight onwards we use the letter "s" instead of the soft "c". Sertainly all of us, brewers in particular, will selabrate on resieving this news. Then the hard "c" would be replaced by "k" sinse both letters are pronounced alike. Not only will this klear up konfusion, especially those klerical types, but typewriters and komputers kould be made with one less
letter. AH HA.....now you're listenin to me,.....easy on the lime man for chrissake, make sure ya give Herschlein one will ya, he looks like he's swallowed a stapler!! (burp)
Assuming there would be growing enthusiasm, in the sekond year we would do away with the troublesome "ph" and would henceforth be written "f". This would make words like "Fils Filler" twenty percent shorter in print. Geez....Is it just me or did this podium move??....oopps. Now in the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
The European Commission would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Ssshhheeessuuss is this good sh...t or what? ...YEEEE HAAA, WAITER....how man times....oh, the whole bottle?....thank you.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e's" in the language is downright f....king disgraceful. HERSCHLEIN.....what's wrong with you man...why the color? For chrisssake....you're not supposed to paint your glass with that Rose's Lime Juice!... Oh yes, therefor I suggest we drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothin had hapend. By this tim it would four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh and replacing "th" with a "z". Shortly after zis ze unesasry "o" kould be dropd from words kontaining "ou". Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Glug..glug...glug...Oh how I love wodka...hehehehehe..., anyone here no why I'm such a dynamic scrum half?...Herschlein... realx, oopps, relax for chrisssake, Can somebody get Herschlein a drink?... whaddya mean share? It's my bottle....to hell with him. Oh Bobby Coyne,....shut up - stand up -- stil trin to get laid on a Golden Oldez trip...for godsake! Go bak to Lord of the Dance man! Ah geez, Geoff,.... kep thoz shortz on her bodi, man, not yor hed..! Anyway my friends, in concluzun, by kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl reiten styl. Thoz stupid bast...s from the sowf would finally b abl to rite and us lawyers could kick ars with feez.
Afta tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivum vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Uropn Brurs Konvenzun vil finali hav kum tru...........!
Unfortunately it's at this very time that the podium broke and our Grand Poobah collapsed at the feet of his client. Joe's ability to burp and break wind at the same time meant a speedy exit by his client, who to this day has always been too busy to take any of Joe's calls. Although repelled by the odor emanating from the mound of humanity next to the broken podium, Jim, Bobby and I have a lasting memory of seven hotel workers carrying Joe off the stage, with Joe grasping the microphone, yelling: "No no......wait.....just one verse......please...altogether now....."Muskrat love"..
While planning a vacation around rugby may seem to be less than desirable on the surface, there are many compensating factors. First, YOU WILL LAUGH YOURSELF SILLY! Think of spending a week at a class clown convention. Don't be fooled by the ancient jokes that normally pass for humor in this newsletter, these are funny guys (albeit with highly questionable musical taste). From pants optional nights to meetings with the Lord of the Dance, some joke is always being planned. At the end of the week you will be happy in the realization that there are many people much, much stranger than the rugger you know and love. Second, there really isn't that much rugby, and THERE ARE FLUSH TOILETS AT THE FIELDS. Teams play 3 one-hour games (taking up less than 2% of the week). Moreover, the conditions are not at all like Randall's Island. There is grass. There are places to sit - often in chairs. There are clubhouses with bathrooms. There are barbecues serving food and drinks (although I must admit the concept of diet soda does seem alien to the organizers). On the down side, because of the available facilities the guys don't get dressed on the field; on the up side, they are very careless about closing the door to the shower room.
Third, it's a great chance to expand your wardrobe. You will be the envy of your office on casual Fridays with your collection of tee, golf, and rugby shirts of the world. Kimonos, hats, ties, club pins and other paraphernalia will further enhance your collection. Remember, nothing says style like a golf shirt advertising an outback plumbing supply company.
Seriously, the Golden Oldies presents a great opportunity to travel to Australia and make friends with people you otherwise would never meet. You'll have a chance to see Sydney, the Great Barrier Reef, New Zealand, Tahiti, or any other South Pacific fanatsy of your choice. You'll also have a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn about lifestyles as different from yours as possible.
I guarantee that the only bad part of the trip will be the flight over.
PAID FOR BY THE SHEEP OF SOUTH AUSTRALIA -- WE WELCOME THE COMPETITION
He thought that with Adelaide only two and a half years away it was time to get in shape. He called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. I asked Jim to keep a diary of his progress and the following is his account of the week
Day 1.
I started the morning at 6:00 AM. Up and at em but stubbed my toe on the coffee table as I stumbled out of bed at this ungodly hour. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching madly from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT.
Day 2.
Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake. I must have looked like an alien demon as the blood drained from my face and my eyes started to pop. My arms were screaming and my legs were a little wobbly but I walked a whole 500 yards on the treadmill. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles felt GREAT when it all stopped.
Day 3.
What's happening to me? The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4.
Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late. It took me that long just to tie my shoes and then I couldn't lift my right arm high enough to turn the door handle to get out of my house. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.
Day 5.
I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good
idea to work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to
sadist school, YOU are to blame. YOU are a crazed mad dog witch !! The treadmill flung me backwards into some bony thin member which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like Terry O'Donnell or Joe O'Mara?
Day 6.
Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched thirteen straight hours of the weather channel from the couch where I'd collapsed the night before. I don't care if she say's my muscles are like chicken's insteps
Day 7.
Well, that's the week. Thank God it's over. I will never exercise again as long as my ass points downward. Maybe for my next birthday they'll give me something a little more fun, like free teeth drilling at the dentist. I would like to write more about it but I don't have the strength to hold on to the pen. Think it best that I go to Adelaide as I am and if my weight is questioned I'll just tell people my glands are swollen.
Dear Whines, As you know I get all sorts of letters from people with great stories about Whines they know and indeed Whines they love. This story was sent in by Marilyn Herschlein, wife of our very own Jim Herschlein. Jim has been a Vintage Whine for two tours and is best known for his skill in passing the ball to the exact spot where nobody is standing. Jim is also a lawyer and his skill in arguing about why isn't there anyone where he passed the ball and why there should have been someone there, is always worth listening to. His ability to blame others for these passes is second to none.
In fact there have been times when everybody on the field including the other side and the referee have stopped dead in their tracks to listen to his dissertation. Supporters of both teams have been known to break out in applause at the presentation of his case. Anyhow, enough of Jim's skills, here is the letter Marilyn kindly sent.
Dear Geoff,
I have been reading your Countdown Newsletters for over two years now and the time has come when I must share a story with you about my darling Jim, or as I sometimes call him, "poopsy snuggle buns"
His job in New York City often requires him to spend many hours at the office and I'm always encouraging him to try and relax. Sometimes after work he'll meet up with the dreaded team of Messrs. Pash, Coyne, McGarggle, Truehart, Daley and others for a few cocktails. Well last week it seems they had a few too many.
The poor darling was all shagged out after spending a few days in Germany. He had gone there after picking up a new client (yes, it is the same German client that Joe Pash lost after his famous speech) and the jet lag completely knocked him around. Anyhow, the Pash and Coyne crew got hold of him and they stopped off at a bar close to his office.
It's a new bar called the Golden Saloon and on the night they visited it was amateur talent night. After more than a few cocktails the talk got very loud and everybody was trying to get Joe Pash up on stage for his rendition of Muskrat Love. He wouldn't get up and backed off claiming a collapsed hernia and strained vocal chords. Later on a ventriloquist performed and during the act Jim got annoyed and stands up and yells,"HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You've been making smart-ass remarks about us lawyers being stupid all night long!
We're not all stupid ya know! In fact some of us are very important international lawyers with clients all over Europe, SO THERE"
"Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"
"I'm not talking to you boof head!" Jim replied "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"
Well it's about here that things must have gone completely down hill. I shudder to think what they did as he was in such a state when he came home. I managed to shoulder him up the stairs, flipped him onto the bed, unzipped him as best I could then tucked him in. He was very loud all night and the stench was, well...., you know...., just terrible.
Not only the stench but with all the beer sloshing around in his belly it sounded and looked like a keg adrift in a rolling sea. I was so cross that I decided right there and then that I would put a stop to these nights out with Pash, Coyne, Mc Garggle, Truehart, Daley and the rest of that rotten crew.
The next morning he looked like he'd been through a combine harvester. "Where on earth did you go last night" I said. "I was at this fantastic new saloon," he says, "The Golden Saloon, it was a huge night".
"I don't believe you! There's no such place!"
He says, "Sure there is! The joint's got huge golden doors, a golden floor.
Hell, even the urinal's gold!"
I didn't believe him at all so I checked the phone book and sure enough, there is such a place. I called up to check his story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" I ask when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes, it is",the bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Yes Ma'am we most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then I hear the bartender yelling, "Hey Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy who took a leak in your saxophone!"
THUD......Well, you can imagine how I felt !! I picked myself up off the floor and had a quiet word in his shell like ear. He tried to explain the situation but I was in no mood to hear it. From now on Coyne, Pash, Truehart, McGarggle, Daley and all those other stinking rotten no-hopers are finished as far as I'm concerned. He can go away on this tour to Adelaide but I'm going along to make sure he's looked after in a manner fit for an international lawyer of his standing. All the best, roll on Adelaide....
Dear Geoff,
I have been reading the "Countdown" stories about some of the
Vintage Whines and I thought you'd like a copy of the police report on Fran
Russell and Terry O'Donnells's visit to a Neil Sedaka concert. This
happened many, many years ago when they were only slightly overweight and out-of-shape. Terry and Fran were quite embarrassed about the whole affair and as lawyers were able to bury the report for years, but it has recently been unsealed -- so just picture those two in their best pure-polyester leisure suits and read on:
BOSTON POLICE COMMISSIONER
INTER-DEPARTMENT MEMORANDUM
Subject: Injuries sustained by Mr. Fran Russell and Mr. Terry O'Donnell
Where : Neil Sedaka Concert
Date: June 27, 1976
Report from Police Superintendent John (Jack) Meough
The injuries of Fran Russell (24) and his friend, Terry O'Donnell (25) at the Neil Sedaka Concert last Friday were most unusual. Russell and O'Donnell were found injured at the Quincy Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Russell's pickup truck was on top of O'Donnell at the bottom of a 100 ft drop. O'Donnell was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He had also been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 50 ft off the ground; adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.
According to the Police Officer in charge of crowd control at the concert (P.O Appleton), Russell and O'Donnell had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, they decided to stay in the parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after they had consumed 18 beers between the two of them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7 foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and try and sneak in.
They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that O'Donnell would go over first and assist Russell later. They had not counted on the fact that while it was a 7 foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 100 foot drop on the other side. O'Donnell, who weighed about 255 lbs and was quite inebriated, had jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about 50 feet before a large tree branch broke his fall AND his left forearm. Unfortunately, he also managed to get his shorts caught on a branch of the tree.
Since he was now in a lot of pain and with no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided, seeing bushes below, to cut his shorts off and fall to the ground. Upon cutting the last bit of fabric from himself, he suddenly plummeted to earth, losing grip of the knife. The "soft" bushes were actually holly bushes and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch; effectively giving himself a holly enema. The knife, which he had accidentally released about 25 ft up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh causing a lot of pain.
Enter Russell. Russell had apparently observed the last bit of this and, despite his inebriated state, realized that O'Donnell was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and
over the fence. Surprisingly, this otherwise noble idea was complicated by the fact that Russell was outweighed by his friend by a good 55 lbs., which some may attribute to a large vacuum between his ears. So instead he opted to use his truck to pull O'Donnell out.
Unfortunately, because of his state, Russell put the truck in reverse, rather than drive and the truck careered through the fence landing on O'Donnell 100 feet below. Russell was thrown out of the truck into the holly bush and subsequently suffered severe cuts, some internal injuries and a good bump on the head, which may help to explain a lot about Russell.
I know it's hard to believe but that's how a rather beaten and banged up 255 lb man with no pants on, a truck on top of him, a knife in his thigh and a holly bush branch up his ass came to be. Russell was also an interesting sight. He had more punctures than a second-hand dartboard and didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He looked at the truck and tears formed; then he looked at O'Donnell and a smile formed. Despite O'Donnell's quivering state I delegated Russell to try and remove the stick from O'Donnell's anal cavity.
O'Donnell bent over and Russell squinted at the scene in front of him. It was not a sight to behold. BOOOOMMM -- at that very moment one of the truck's tires exploded and Russell fell forward with fright. As he was holding onto the small part of the branch sticking from O'Donnells backside at the time of his forward falling motion he managed to bury the stick farther inside O'Donnell. The GASP from O'Donnell coupled with the combined look of surprise, terror and the bursting of his ear drums confirmed my decision to evacuate both hooligans from the scene to the nearest emergency room.
Superintendent J. (Jack) Meough
File 2/stupid/idiots/76
Geoff, I know you all laughed at Terry's unusual running style in Vancouver and why he keeps looking over his shoulder. Hopefully this story explains why. You may have also noticed that Fran never gets in or near a ruck or maul with Terry. There is a similar look of fear in Terry's eyes when he's caught in a ruck or a maul and realizes that Fran may be his only support. I wonder if either of them will ever be the same?
Ah well, now that this story is out I'm coming to Adelaide just to see the fireworks between them. Keep the Countdowns coming - see you in Adelaide
The next Countdown in the new year will have the complete payment schedule. In the meantime Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday's and best wishes for the New Year.
THE FOLLOWING IS VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION
The uniforms of jerseys, caps, bags, etc. etc. we hope to have sponsored however, if this doesn't come off it will cost about $175 per person.
The total payment for the Festival and Air Fare is approx. $3215 US Dollars. It may be a few dollars less or it may be a few dollars more. I will advise once we get confirmation on flight cost. As we have already paid $100 each (which is fully refundable up until March 1998) the remainder of the payment plan is as follows:
Ed from Tacoma and Terry O'Donnell will make their own way via Los Angeles. If possible we should all travel from Los Angeles together. If anybody is going to use their frequent fliers miles to get there please make your own arrangements but let me know what they are.
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND PEACE ON EARTH.
Dear Geoff,
Marc had such a great time in Vancouver. He was really impressed with the New Zealanders particularly their knowledge of farming. He's always wanted to be a farmer but has no idea about animals, particularly sheep. He's been on and on about how we should all be getting back to nature so last weekend we drove to Vermont to visit a sheep farm. He was enthusiastic about talking to sheep farmers as he felt he had a good grasp of what they do after talking with Dave and Ally.
We arrived at this place and it looked like an unusual sheep farm to me but he seemed to know what he was doing as he approached an elderly shepherd leaning on a fence. I had the video camera going and although you can't see the video, I thought you'd like the audio sound of it.
Marc Laurances Visit to a Sheep farm
Camera shows Marc vaulting a fence and falling flat on his arse on the other side. He dusts himself off as if he'd done it on purpose and waves back at the camera. The sounds of sheep baaaaing, birds chirping and the great outdoors are heard.
Marc: Good afternoon Sir, lovely day isn't it?
.
Shepherd: Yep 'tis that.
Marc: You here on holiday?
Shepherd: Nope, I live 'ere.
Marc: Oh, lucky you. Uh...those ARE sheep aren't they?
Shepherd: Yep.
Marc: Hmm, thought they were. Only, what are they doing up in the trees?
Shepherd: A fair question, and one that in recent weeks 'as been much on my mind. It's my considered opinion that they're nestin'.
Marc: Nesting?.....no shit. You mean like birds?
Shepherd: Exactly. It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the
sheep's tendency to hop about the field on their hind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as ....plummet.
Marc: Yes, but why do they think they're birds for chrissake?...I mean they're in nests. Look at em ! Dave and Ally never mentioned this aspect.
Shepherd: Dave and Ally? Who might they be Sir?
Marc: Never mind, you wouldn't understand. You said Birds...why do they think they're birds?...feathers...beaks...where, what, why, who?
Shepherd: Fair questions indeed Sir. One thing is for sure, the sheep is not a creature of the air. They have enormous difficulty in the comparatively simple act of perchin'. Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea in their heads, there's no shiftin' it.
Marc: But....but.....where did they get the idea?
Shepherd: From Harold. He's that most dangerous of creatures, a clever sheep.
'E's realized that a sheep's life consists of standing around for a few months and then bein' eaten. And that's a depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep.
Marc: Well why don't just get rid of this....Harold?
Shepherd: Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if 'e succeeds.
Marc: HEY MARYANNE, are you taping this? Geez I wish Bobby Coyne was here.
Shepherd: Are you interested in investing Sir?
Marc: What in?...... Harold?
Shepherd: Yes sir Harold. He's good for another couple of years of perchin, nestin and shagg..... er, mating.
Marc: I dunno....trees.. nesting sheep...doesn't make sense.... I'm very confused.
The camera now shows Marc as he turns and walks back towards Maryanne hands behind his head and mumbling to himself. He suddenly yells "TURN IT OFF" TURN IT OFF" The drive back to New York was so quiet with his only comments being "Dave and Ally never mentioned this nesting bit, I wonder if it's a different breed we have up here?"
Geoff I don't have the courage to tell him, would you break it to him for me? I know he's so sad that he can't visit Adelaide but perhaps you could get Dave and Ally to call or write a note to him. In the meantime, it's a great party conversation piece even though some of the looks he gets range from bewilderment to concern. The poor darling. I think it best he remain working on Wall Street don't you? Best wishes in Adelaide. Love to everyone.
Greetings to all the Whines from the public bar of the Wedderburn Pub. Thanks for all the Countdowns I'm looking forward to seeing everybody in Adelaide. Pretty quiet down here now that Bobby Coyne has gone. His rendition of "Lord of the Dance"on top of the bar with Dave and Ally is still being talked about. The grande finale had to be seen to be believed and quite honestly I'm surprised nobody was arrested.
There they were, naked as can be when suddenly, in perfect unison, they bent over and made their pints of beer disappear. I'm still having nightmares and Lennie breaks out in shivers every time he hears Irish music. Lennie swears their glasses were empty but I don't know so much. I mean how did they put the flames out and why was there a smell of singed hair??? The locals were very impressed at the timing of their high kicks and if it wasn't for Lennie's dive to save the trophy cabinet that houses the Whines memorabilia it could have been lost in the fire. Ah well, such is life in deepest Wedderburn.
I have enjoyed reading the stories about some of the other Whines and thought you would enjoy a couple of pages from the dairy of our trip to Los Angeles after the Festival in Vancouver.
Stayed for week in a hotel near Disneyland in Los Angeles to see all the sights. When we arrived at the hotel we noticed an old Indian Chief sitting in the lobby and he never moved from there during the entire week. He was a funny looking guy and the first time I saw him I thought it was ol Ed from Tacoma with feathers on his head and a blanket wrapped around him.
After we'd checked in Lennie said to the manager "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby?" "Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-Me Not' due to his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."
Well this really impressed Lennie as he thinks some of his customers at the pub in Wedderburn also have free use of the premises. He decided to put the chief's memory to the test. He hitched his jeans up and strolled over to the chief and said "G'day mate" "Whadya have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," said the chief without even looking up. "Yeah... right" said Lennie and away we went to check out Disneyland and meet up with the rest of the guy's.
Lennie told them all about Big Chief Forget-Me Not and Jill Storer said "Lennie, the old chief wouldn't know what G'day means, you should have said "How" that's more of an Indian greeting than "G'day"
Later that night when we got back to the hotel Lennie, still embarrassed about his "G'day" greeting to the chief, walked right passed him. In fact he was so embarrassed that he never mentioned another word to the chief for the next six days. However, I did notice that they looked each other up and down each time we went through the hotel lobby.
After a week we had to leave Disneyland and as we checked out Lennie decided to try and make up to the chief. He walked over to him looked him straight in the eye and said "How" The Chief immediately said "Scrambled".
THUUD.....I've never seen ol Lennie collapse so quickly. Thank god the belt loops on his jeans were reinforced as it took 4 of us to lift the old goat up. He dusted himself off, pulled the New York Rugby Club cap down hard over his eyes then stumbled and ricocheted off the seats trying to get quickly down to the back seat of the bus to hide behind his mustache.
He's such a dear man is my Lennie but so many things happen in his life. I'll never forget the time he was sitting in the bar with a couple of his local buddies having a few pints. He was telling these guys about his great trip to Vancouver and how despite his weight (130 kilo's - 286 pounds) he still left the other wingers grasping at fresh air as he sped past them. Suddenly he turned to one of his buddies and said,
"Hey, did you just pour beer on my trousers?"
"No way, not me mate," was the reply.
Then, turning to his other buddy he said "Aw it was you ya mongrel wasn't it,? you just poured beer on my trousers?"
This guy also replied, "Not at all mate, it wasn't me, honest, it wasn't"
Then Lennie turned very red, hunched his shoulders and shuffled away mumbling "Oh dear, it must have been an inside job"
We still laugh at this family joke, oh how I love the silly old fart. Well that's all the news from The Official Southern Hemisphere Headquarters of The New York Rugby Club. Tell any of the Whines going to Adelaide that if they would like to visit us here in deepest Central Otago we'd love to see them. I'll keep chasing Lennie up to get in shape as I'm sick of his sprouting off about how he's going to beat that old goat Jim Daley over a 50 yard sprint.
Love to everybody, see you in Adelaide
The organizers are expecting close to 200 teams.
P>
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 3 August 12,1997
JIM DALEY'S FITNESS PROGRAM
For his birthday present, Jim Daley, the dynamic but very slow Vintage Whine back, got a week of private lessons at the local health club. Even though Jim is in great shape from his regular workouts with the New York City Fire Department Chess and Debating Team and the New York City Fire Department Adult Movie Review Team, he decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try the weeks course.
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 4 August 27,1997
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 5 September 9,1997
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 6 September 25,1997
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 7 October 8,1997
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 8 October 17,1997
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 9 November 15,1997
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 10 December 20,1997
NAME
POSITION
CITY
COUNTRY
Geoff Andrews
Front Row
New York City
USA
Nancy Gallagher
Supporter
New York City
USA
Blaise Latriano
Fullback
Albany - NY
USA
Jena Latriano
Supporter Albany - NY
USA
Jim Daley
Fly Half
New York City
USA
Ed Walawender
Lock
Tacoma - WA
USA
Tom Burke
Scrum Half
Syossett - NY
USA
Bobby Coyne
Outside Center
New York City
USA
Ally Storer
Prop
Kaitangata - Sth Otago
NZ
Jill Storer
Supporter
Kaitangata - Sth Otago
NZ
Dave Inder
Prop
Paretai - Sth Otago
NZ
Jan Inder
Supporter
Paretai - Sth Otago
NZ
Liz Cass
Lock / No.8
New York City
USA
Melissa Hover
Front Row
New York City
USA
Richard Andrews
Wing
Sydney - NSW
Aust.
John Bamford
Loose Forward
Sydney - NSW
Aust.
Lee Archer
Loose Forward
Nairobi
Kenya
Joe O'Mara Prop
New York City
USA
Evan Williams
Lock/Loose Forward
Balclutha - Sth Otago
NZ
Jeanne Williams
Supporter
Balclutha - Sth Otago
NZ
George Orr
Lock/Loose Forward
New York City
USA
Terry O'Donnell
Wing
Boston - Mass.
USA
John Truehart
Front Row/Wing
New York City
USA
Peter (PJ) Flanagan
Loose Forward
New York City
USA
Rory Barry
Inside Center
Stamford - CT
USA
Verina Barry
Supporter
Stamford - CT
USA
Andy Coupe
Center / Wing
Auckland
NZ
Tony Coupe
Loose Forward
Auckland
NZ
Mark Saunders
Forward
Auckland
NZ
Lenny Leng
Front Row
Wedderburn - Cntl Otago
NZ
Lynn Leng
Supporter
Wedderburn - Cntl Otago
NZ
Mike Taylor
Loose forward
Auckland
NZ
What a great team. Never have I been involved in a group with so many beautiful women and so many ugly men!!
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 11 January 5,1998
The latest quote I have from Air New Zealand for air fare is $2100 for the round trip.
October 1997
$100 US Dollars per person (already paid)
May 1st 1998
$500 US Dollars per person
October 1st 1998
$500 US Dollars per person
May 1st 1999
$2200 US Dollars per person (if we have secured sponsorship by this date we will need only $2000)
September 1st 1999
$115 US Dollars per person
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 12 February 2,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 13 February 28,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 14 March 15,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 15 April 2,1998
Dear Geoff,
PPS - Did you hear that Lennie went to Dunedin to get a male makeover for his birthday? - They stung him $100 and that was just for the estimate !!
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 16 April 22,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 17 June 10,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 18 July 8,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 19 July 27,1998
COUNTDOWN TO ADELAIDE
ISSUE 20 August 17,1998